Bruce Banner was not always The Hulk.
He became that way as a result of a failed experiment
with a Gamma Bomb. Most of us, I think
have some failure we can point to in our past.
“This,” we say, “This is why I’m monstrous.”
The Hulk does not hulk out randomly.
Only when he’s stressed, or angry.
When Bruce Banner disappears into the other guy,
he doesn’t remember being Bruce Banner,
He’s just some wild force of nature who can’t
control his hands.
Having an anxiety attack feels
like living through death.
A person should not be able to endure that kind of fear
and keep breathing. But still, every time
my lungs and heart betray me. I keep not dying.
The Hulk can’t kill himself. He has tried.
It is so hard to live half monster, to hurt everything
you love by trying to protect it wrong.
I keep trying to protect you from me.
From the nights when I drink the whole bottle,
From the days I don’t get out of bed and just hide
from everything. I don’t Deal With Things well.
I’m not Good At Being An Adult.
When I get scared I can’t control my hands,
I would do anything to make myself feel better.
Even hurt the ones who are trying to save me.
When I calm down, when I can breathe again,
I feel like a superhero at the end of the movie.
When the war is over, and the bad guy is gone,
and he has to walk home through the wreckage
of the city he destroyed by trying
to be a savior.
If I am being honest, I know
I can’t save you. I can’t even save myself.
The thing about the Hulk is he would give anything
to be less interesting.
To be normal, to never again wake up
naked and lonely, staring at the destruction
with no one to blame but himself.
I am not the first person you loved.
You are not the first person I looked at
with a mouthful of forevers. We
have both known loss like the sharp edges
of a knife. We have both lived with lips
more scar tissue than skin. Our love came
unannounced in the middle of the night.
Our love came when we’d given up
on asking love to come. I think
that has to be part
of its miracle.
This is how we heal.
I will kiss you like forgiveness. You
will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms
will bandage and we will press promises
between us like flowers in a book.
I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat
on your skin. I will write novels to the scar
of your nose. I will write a dictionary
of all the words I have used trying
to describe the way it feels to have finally,
finally found you.
And I will not be afraid
of your scars.
I know sometimes
it’s still hard to let me see you
in all your cracked perfection,
but please know:
whether it’s the days you burn
more brilliant than the sun
or the nights you collapse into my lap
your body broken into a thousand questions,
you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I will love you when you are a still day.
I will love you when you are a hurricane.
A clothing line offering wearable protection for when things go wrong.
Clothing designed specifically to frustrate sexual assault.
I would love this if it were more accesible. If a $100 contribution gets me 30% off of one piece of underwear, I’m not sure how quickly I’m going to be able to throw down for one of these. Specialty clothes are expensive, but I really want this to be able to be cheaper.